THEY DISCONNECTED MY MOTHER'S PHONE
All I could see was the zipper being closed, the upper part of the zipper, they were closing the plastic bag having surrendered of my existence. I wasn’t yet dead, but the plastic begun to sweeten my suffocation, I could see the blurring images of those that had placed me within. I had wanted to be here, they had done no such deed against my will nor had they denied themselves the comfort offered by their displeasure, muttering “strange creature… shame to put him away…” The mastery of putting the dead to sleep not their trade, they were doctors, strategic analysts from the universal palace that decides what works best in the grand scale of things; I had not worked out so well, my awareness had mesmerized me with possibility all too dazzling for me to settle for the specificity that angry reality warrants. Gog, gog, gog…
Umm… sorry about that abrupt interruption but death is not into continuity, you get yourself dead it stops all run on sentences, please don’t get any ideas; fortunately for you I remember what took place to cash me out from that existence. The universe likes to tweak things en mass, to accomplish this high level of complicity, hehehehehe, it has to absorb all randomness into a chaos, which is the fundamental philosophical architectural foundation of the giant cosmos. This is why the universe is mostly the same no matter where you are, because of the consistency of the chaos, if you can observe it you are not going to observe anything radically different, because observation is bound, chained and gagged by similarities. They disconnected my mothers phone today, I have been trying to reach her but can’t.
The universe is one infinitesimal kink, there are souls that are born to undo it, I was one of those creatures, unfortunately I got discovered by the regulating committee of the cosmos. When things are mostly the same the universe does not bother with anything but as soon as there is an altercation somewhere, an entire tribe is sent in to normalize the situation. While I was in my bed of dreams, merely but a child, they took tweezers and metal pinchers up my nose, stuck atomic tubes up my spinal chord, then they inserted all these silent sensors that would monitor my awareness of being, my alertness, my emotional quotient, the universe does not care about logicians, they are harmless, but emotional characters flow lava and cracking existence, it is imperative for the universe to curtail such anxieties, they left the probes inside of me, and I continued to grow around them.
I did not know what was happening to me, when you are a child you get probed by adults all the time, so when creatures from the cosmic tribe come and disarrange your emotional symmetry and put needles everywhere to cause your emotional awareness to chaotically diffuse, you think it is part of what you get for being a sentient human being.
After every posing introspection of the probing, happening mostly at night, where dreams can hide their reality I cradled their impossibility. And so lived on, doing poorly in school, couldn’t concentrate, all those emotional diffusers worked, I could not gather myself for attention even to such basic functions as personal hygiene, the gesticulation of the love that I might need to have for another, or the caring for knowledge as something which if retained might serve unknowable futures.
When you are impeded from harmonizing your self energy, self energy leaves you no choice but to kill yourself. And so my self energy matured into assassin status, afraid of what made it happy, it begun to self destruct. When you aren’t aware of yourself it is impossible to become aware of another that might also know you and share in the universe your exorbitant loneliness. Unawareness tangles with the disentangled. Diffused by the cosmic regulators I was falling apart. I took an overdose of sleeping pills and canned the astonishment out of my existence.
Only, I was rescued by well intentioned beings, a delivery woman, found my purple blotched body, wrinkled in stench alley. The medics rush me to emergency and pumped the sewage out of my stomach, only there was a dosage full still in my circulatory system, so they had to get some fresh blood into me, which they promptly rushed to do, but unbeknownst to them, the universal regulators did not want me to survive the experience, only problem is, the universe can not officially kill an entity that inhabits within, so it was up to me to do the job, and the emergency ward was not helping the situation any. The very worried universal trio were behind the scenes and I could detect their disturbed malcontent as the machines dialed improved readings of my condition.
Only if the machine had been able to diagnose that the universe was entirely against me, that even if alive I would be dead, dead in that I would be maintained in an involuntary paralysis of existence, where my every move would be detained, where my every aspiration curtailed to insignificance, plastic wrap my emotions into exhaustion, do not feed his heart, do not respond to his awareness, implode, implode, catastrophic malcontent, the links that die within our resolution.
Those seeking freedom are not in their own prison.
Spurious madness, pinching myself, black marks, black hearts, black holes of non resistance, against all contradiction, sinking into the sea of disillusion, purple lips so beautiful when dead, frost of universal savageness, pump all you want but you can not reactivate me, rain, rain, rain into my severity, smell me breathing your insanity, smell me breath that stinks of cosmic sulfur, you will never win this heart and you will never win this life, and into the perdition…
They zipped the plastic bag while I was still alive…they saw a white straight line.
Run, run, the river winding and unfolding into cascading curls, waterfall majestically dashing my eyes with sparkling sensations, where the river rock lay in patient wait below, harsh and moist and succulent and asking my body to surrender to their essence; the air off loads me wishing not be between the dashing squash, I grace miraculous sky with receding stares, it is not ascension nor bed of roses down below, even waterfall thins out below, her undiluted effort from the fall dispersed underneath to reveal only those perfidious rocks that have resisted and grown sharper with their stay, to live you have to be alive, to die you have to be alive, the rocks caught my rescue from the torrents.
Umm… sorry about that abrupt interruption but death is not into continuity, you get yourself dead it stops all run on sentences, please don’t get any ideas; fortunately for you I remember what took place to cash me out from that existence. The universe likes to tweak things en mass, to accomplish this high level of complicity, hehehehehe, it has to absorb all randomness into a chaos, which is the fundamental philosophical architectural foundation of the giant cosmos. This is why the universe is mostly the same no matter where you are, because of the consistency of the chaos, if you can observe it you are not going to observe anything radically different, because observation is bound, chained and gagged by similarities. They disconnected my mothers phone today, I have been trying to reach her but can’t.
The universe is one infinitesimal kink, there are souls that are born to undo it, I was one of those creatures, unfortunately I got discovered by the regulating committee of the cosmos. When things are mostly the same the universe does not bother with anything but as soon as there is an altercation somewhere, an entire tribe is sent in to normalize the situation. While I was in my bed of dreams, merely but a child, they took tweezers and metal pinchers up my nose, stuck atomic tubes up my spinal chord, then they inserted all these silent sensors that would monitor my awareness of being, my alertness, my emotional quotient, the universe does not care about logicians, they are harmless, but emotional characters flow lava and cracking existence, it is imperative for the universe to curtail such anxieties, they left the probes inside of me, and I continued to grow around them.
I did not know what was happening to me, when you are a child you get probed by adults all the time, so when creatures from the cosmic tribe come and disarrange your emotional symmetry and put needles everywhere to cause your emotional awareness to chaotically diffuse, you think it is part of what you get for being a sentient human being.
After every posing introspection of the probing, happening mostly at night, where dreams can hide their reality I cradled their impossibility. And so lived on, doing poorly in school, couldn’t concentrate, all those emotional diffusers worked, I could not gather myself for attention even to such basic functions as personal hygiene, the gesticulation of the love that I might need to have for another, or the caring for knowledge as something which if retained might serve unknowable futures.
When you are impeded from harmonizing your self energy, self energy leaves you no choice but to kill yourself. And so my self energy matured into assassin status, afraid of what made it happy, it begun to self destruct. When you aren’t aware of yourself it is impossible to become aware of another that might also know you and share in the universe your exorbitant loneliness. Unawareness tangles with the disentangled. Diffused by the cosmic regulators I was falling apart. I took an overdose of sleeping pills and canned the astonishment out of my existence.
Only, I was rescued by well intentioned beings, a delivery woman, found my purple blotched body, wrinkled in stench alley. The medics rush me to emergency and pumped the sewage out of my stomach, only there was a dosage full still in my circulatory system, so they had to get some fresh blood into me, which they promptly rushed to do, but unbeknownst to them, the universal regulators did not want me to survive the experience, only problem is, the universe can not officially kill an entity that inhabits within, so it was up to me to do the job, and the emergency ward was not helping the situation any. The very worried universal trio were behind the scenes and I could detect their disturbed malcontent as the machines dialed improved readings of my condition.
Only if the machine had been able to diagnose that the universe was entirely against me, that even if alive I would be dead, dead in that I would be maintained in an involuntary paralysis of existence, where my every move would be detained, where my every aspiration curtailed to insignificance, plastic wrap my emotions into exhaustion, do not feed his heart, do not respond to his awareness, implode, implode, catastrophic malcontent, the links that die within our resolution.
Those seeking freedom are not in their own prison.
Spurious madness, pinching myself, black marks, black hearts, black holes of non resistance, against all contradiction, sinking into the sea of disillusion, purple lips so beautiful when dead, frost of universal savageness, pump all you want but you can not reactivate me, rain, rain, rain into my severity, smell me breathing your insanity, smell me breath that stinks of cosmic sulfur, you will never win this heart and you will never win this life, and into the perdition…
They zipped the plastic bag while I was still alive…they saw a white straight line.
Run, run, the river winding and unfolding into cascading curls, waterfall majestically dashing my eyes with sparkling sensations, where the river rock lay in patient wait below, harsh and moist and succulent and asking my body to surrender to their essence; the air off loads me wishing not be between the dashing squash, I grace miraculous sky with receding stares, it is not ascension nor bed of roses down below, even waterfall thins out below, her undiluted effort from the fall dispersed underneath to reveal only those perfidious rocks that have resisted and grown sharper with their stay, to live you have to be alive, to die you have to be alive, the rocks caught my rescue from the torrents.
posted by Ricardo Correa at 8/31/2006 10:47:00 AM
<< Home